Because of Kian by Sibylla Matilde
I know I’m twisted. Growing up in a perfectly well-adjusted home, I don’t really have an excuse. But no matter… I realize how messed up I am. And therapy can only do so much.
I pushed my boyfriend to violence, a violence he couldn’t control. Sickly, I almost liked it. So I pushed him more. Before long, the pain outweighed the pleasure and the loss I sustained shattered me. So I ran. I’m now a bit shell-shocked harboring a lot of guilt. My boyfriend is now my ex and wants revenge. He wants me to pay for turning him into the monster he’s become. And I still have a deviant yearning that I don’t understand. My own monster inside… my own demon to battle.
I can’t get close to anyone. I can’t give in and scratch that itch. I can’t wreck someone else.
And now there is Kian… my rescuer on a dark, painful night. He sees through my pretense. He tries to pull me from my frightened isolation, to keep me from becoming a victim. He forces me to face my warped desires and shows me that pain doesn’t really have to truly hurt.
He wants to show me a way to serenity. But I am afraid… Will I ruin a good man?
Giveaway: Enter Here
Shit this was my second in a row deeply emotional read. The pain, fear and suffering one goes through from abuse leaves lasting scars. Brynn’s getting herself out of an abusive relationship and this is her journey to saving and loving herself. Kian, a protective alpha male, finds her and teaches her self-defense. This is a hot, sexy read that kept me turning the pages because of the angst. I enjoyed Brynn’s journey of finding her strength but I didn’t feel connected to her or Kian until halfway through the book. The chapters would end abruptly making the read seem choppy and her running away from safety and comfort had me wanting to shake my kindle. In abusive relationships our social supports are crucial and Brynn pushed all of hers aside. There’s no re-connection with her parents until the end and then the story was over. Brynn an Kian’s connection through rope was where it turned around for me. I felt joined by their connection and could feel the emotions through their heated looks and mannerisms. This was the peak of the novel for me. I do believe Kian helped Brynn, but I know Brynn did most of the work herself and she needs to own that because he could’ve done all that he did, plus more and it would’ve meant nothing if she wasn’t open and willing for his help and guidance to work. We meet Sage, bartender and friend of Brynn’s, and I’d love to hear her and Mattie’s story. Give this a try and find your next crush! Rating: 3.5 stars
Kian will melt your soul and Brynn will break your heart. Kian is patient, protective and Brynn is self sabotaging, craves pain, and needs it. ~ Brynn ~ “It was almost like I couldn’t allow myself to be comfortable. I had been comfortable my whole life up until Evan, and then everything had suddenly turned into a nightmare. All that was still so fresh in my mind. I kept waiting on pins and needles because it all just felt too good to last. I waited for Evan to show up. Or for Kian to give up.”
~ Brynn ~ “I don’t know what I’m scared of Kian. Maybe I’ve just tried to stay in the shadows for so long that I’m afraid of being exposed. Maybe I’m afraid that someday this will wear thin. That all mu f***upness will get tiresome. There’s no guarantee. This is all still fresh and new. It may not work in the end, and then what? You won’t always be here to protect me.”
~ Kian ~ “I don’t know how to convince you. This isn’t a flash in the pan. This isn’t some fly-by-night thing, here today and gone tomorrow. You’re mine Brynn. I’m not going to bail on you because you have this f***ed up notion that I’m better off without you. I’m not giving up on you.”
Kian has a solution and that solution is the introduction of kinbaku ~ means tight binding. A Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using simple yet visually intricate patterns. It becomes a catharsis for Brynn.
Kian and Brynn’s story is one of love, trust, angst, intensity, insecurity, fear, patience, hope….I could go on and on. A love story you don’t want to miss out on and a book crush on Kian that will move him to the top of your book boyfriend list.
~ Kian ~ “Every time she made my fingertips ache to touch her. She made my heart ache to love her.”
~ Brynn ~ “I can now feel pain without shutting down. I can now feel love without freezing in fear. I can now be who I am without shame…because of Kian.” ~ 4 ~ Stars
His hands slid along my jaw, just above my neck, and nudged my face up to his. My eyes closed to shield him from the raw emotion he would see in them. I waited for his words. A rebuff or a command. Something to start the argument that was sure to follow.
But instead of hearing the growl of his voice, I felt his lips crash down on mine. And I blossomed beneath him.
My arms frantically wrapped tightly around his waist. His kiss was demanding, fervent and rough. My aching soul relished in the painful, bruising force of his mouth on mine, the tight pull of his fingers in my hair. Taking a few steps, he pushed me roughly up against the wall, and I moaned as the rush of desire poured through me.
He knew. I needed him. I needed this.
About Sibylla Matilde
Sibylla Matilde grew up in the mountain valleys of Southwest Montana exploring the dusty Old West gold country on the back of a horse. She attended a two-room schoolhouse beginning in 1st grade & had the same teacher until she changed schools after 7th. Beginning at about age 12, Sibylla discovered historical romance, feeding off of work of Jude Deveraux & Lisa Kleypas. She loves a book that can make the reader run the gamut of emotions, from the sweet glow of new love to gut-wrenching heartache. She is a true romantic & always has stories floating around in her head, living in a fantasyland until she writes them down to free them.
Music is her emotional trigger. Growing up with a Wagnarian-loving mother, Sibylla was raised to treasure music that digs deep into the psyche, drawing out elation, sorrow, grief, desire. The soundtrack to her life includes many genres spanning centuries. She looooooooves Thirty Seconds to Mars (rather obsessively, actually… but, really, how can you NOT be crazy about this guy!? Jared Leto. Shhh. ) & pimps them out to all her friends through Spotify. She also delights in Met Opera HD broadcasts at her local movie theater & hopes (listening Met?) to someday see Diana Damrau reprise her role as Mozart’s Queen of the Night in Die Zauberflöte.
Sibylla lives with her husband and hero who saved her from her own calamitous, young-adult self. He makes her laugh daily, even when things are tough. He’s proved to her that love really can heal a shattered soul. In 18 years, they have never had a fight, although argue regularly with their two teenage kids who have, unfortunately, inherited their father’s quick wit (unfortunate as it is a quick wit that Sibylla, herself, definitely does not possess – there is a reason she is a writer & not a stand-up comedian). They live a quiet life with their two weird little rescued Chiweenies. Wait… teenagers & little yap-dogs? OK, maybe not so quiet.